


Kisses, Bruises, and Apologies

by mthevlamister



Series: A Kiss on the Cheek [2]
Category: Dear Evan Hansen - Pasek & Paul/Levenson
Genre: Connor was a bully, Evan is a gay mess, GUYS, He Loves It, He would not turn into perfect boyfriend, I'm so tired, M/M, Part Two, Slut Shaming, Work, but he's gonna be abusive, dude - Freeform, he doesn't want to give back the hoodie, he wants to work on it, he's a bit abusive, okay for real, ya know
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-08-12
Updated: 2018-08-23
Packaged: 2019-06-21 12:42:17
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,354
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15557931
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mthevlamister/pseuds/mthevlamister
Summary: Dude...it's been a week...I regret being trans, I regret coming out, but I'm not miserable in my body now... but like, sometimes life sucks, ya know?My family is a bit of an on and off switch about me being trans, and it's been okay for a week, but when I started this it was bad.Here's hoping.





	1. Hurt or Help

**Author's Note:**

  * For [That person on Tumblr hiiiii](https://archiveofourown.org/gifts?recipient=That+person+on+Tumblr+hiiiii).



> Dude...it's been a week...I regret being trans, I regret coming out, but I'm not miserable in my body now... but like, sometimes life sucks, ya know?  
> My family is a bit of an on and off switch about me being trans, and it's been okay for a week, but when I started this it was bad.  
> Here's hoping.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> He may have sent angry texts to Evan, threatening to out Evan if he kept getting ignored. He, then, sent ten texts apologizing before turning his phone off. Being ignored drove him mad; he wanted to drive to Evan's house and hold him, but he also wanted to hurt Evan for ignoring him. He wanted to do both. Hold Evan after punching him in the face, yeah, that sounds abusive, doesn't it?
> 
> Or:
> 
> dude... Connor would need help with his anger, and dating Evan won't turn him instantly good... I'm doing it. Here's the abusive Connor fic no one wants.

Evan blew Connor off by accident, totally by accident. It was him having a panic attack and his own mother had to call Cynthia and explain why Evan couldn't leave. Connor understood, obviously, but he got mad still. He may have sent angry texts to Evan, threatening to out Evan if he kept getting ignored. He, then, sent ten texts apologizing before turning his phone off. Being ignored drove him mad; he wanted to drive to Evan's house and hold him, but he also wanted to hurt Evan for ignoring him. He wanted to do both. Hold Evan after punching him in the face, yeah, that sounds abusive, doesn't it?

"Hey, Zoe?" Connor knocked on his sister's door. "Can I come in?"

"Sure, whatever." Zoe looked up as the door opened. "What do you want?"

"I want to hurt Evan." Connor collapsed on Zoe's bed. "Like. . . Bad." Zoe let out a huge sigh, picking up a ruler from her bedside table and hitting Connor with it. "OW!"

"Dude, don't." Zoe said, putting the ruler down. "You'll scare him away. That's also really abusive, like, stop."

"What if it's a kinky hurt?"

"Then I owe a certain family friend of Evan's sixteen bucks."

Connor thought about it, and he decided maybe a relationship wouldn't be great for him. "Okay, so what do I do?"

"I dunno, call him?" Zoe let out a sigh after saying this, and she nudged Connor with her foot. "Call him."

"Okay, fine." Connor got up and walked to his room. When he turned on his phone he almost dropped it out of shock.

**19 missed calls from My_Pine_Tree.**

_**My_Pine_Tree is calling.** _

Connor hit the accept button before putting his phone to his ear. "Hey Evan, wh--"

"Puh-please duh-duh-don't out me Connor. I haven't told eh-anyone yuh-yet." Evan sounded like he was trying to hold back tears, but he was failing miserably. Connor felt bad for the threats; he didn't know what to say, so he remained silent. This, apparently, made Evan panic more. "Answer me! Sorry, I shouldn't yuh-yuh-yell, but I don't want eh-eh-anyone to know! Connor, puh-please. Oh god, yuh-you told already. I haven't even told my mom yet! Connor! Oh god, kill me. Kill me now, fuck!"

"Evan, calm down. I haven't told anyone. I'm coming over, is your mom there?" Connor finally replied, keeping a calm, stable voice.

"No, she's at work." Evan sniffled.

Connor hung up and grabbed his coat. He said goodbye to his mom and gave a small glance to Larry. Larry stood up quickly. "Connor, where are you going?"

"Evan's house." Connor said briskly. 

"Just Evan's house?" Larry questioned, crossing his arms. "Not going to get high?"

"Why the fuck would I go to get high when Evan needs me?!"

"Language," Cynthia said. "Please?"

"If you keep talking like that you can't go anywhere." Larry took a step forward.

"I'm leaving." Connor hissed out, turning and walking out the door as Larry began to talk about how he was going to get high. God, he needed an outlet for his anger. He walked to Evan's house and began to knock on the door so hard that Evan thought it was going to break. Evan opened the door and managed to duck out of the way from the next punch Connor was swinging at the door. Connor smiled a bit, almost an apologetic ( _for what,_ Evan wondered) smile, before stepping inside. "You feeling better?"

"Uh, yeah." Evan answered, closing the door. "Want something to eat or drink or--"

Connor grabbed Evan's shoulders, hard. "Why were you avoiding me?! Is it because I scare you? Because I'm a freak--"

"IgotnervousbecausenoonelikesmesoyeahIgotscaredbutyou'rehurtingmepleaseletgo." Evan said quickly, waiting for the hands to go away. They didn't, but instead got tighter. 

"What do you mean nervous?! Slow the fuck down!"

"I have a thing for you!" Evan admitted, wincing. "Connor, you're hurting me! I never dated anyone before, and you kissed me, so I assumed we both liked each other and got nervous!"

Connor let go of the poor boy's shoulders. There would be bruises from his fingernails, and he knew it. "Okay, cool. Sorry, I just got scared you hated me."

"And you decide to squeeze my arms to death?" Evan said with a small smile. Connor heard no malice in Evan's voice, but he was aware the boy felt it still. "So, you like me?"

"I'm pretty sure I'm in love with you, Evan." Connor said, putting his hand on Evan's head. His hair was soft and beautiful and shit, Connor could run his fingers through it all day. "Yeah, I love you."

"Oh!" Evan blushed, unsure what to say. "Uh, yeah, so. . . What now?"

"I guess we date?" 

"Oh, okay."

"Yeah."

". . ."

". . ."

"Want to see some trees?"

"Show me those fucking trees."


	2. Months

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Three months in, and Connor realized he had to do what was needed. See, Evan was being a total brat now. His anger was intense, and he really didn't want to break Evan's fingers. He needed reinformance, and Zoe was on a date. There was only one person he could call in this time of need.
> 
> "Hey, freakazoid! Why are you calling? Did Evan dump your ass?"
> 
> or:
> 
> I like sincerely three, fight me.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've been forcing myself to write this... I need to write NV too and BMC, but I gotta just force myself...  
> I found out a person I work (sort of) with is transphobic, and I'm nervous.  
> Fun fact about meds: some medication I can't take if I don't take it at the assigned time. Morning medication cannot be taken at 2pm. Like, how is this going to help? I'm already almost done the day, I have maybe three hours left? I don't need to pay attention for two/three of those hours (or three/four, depending on when my day is over) so I'll skip them for today and wait until tomorrow. Or with my anxiety meds? Well, I missed morning pill, guess I'll wait until I take the night one.

One month in, and Heidi noticed the bruised lip. She noticed them when she checked on Evan before going to work. She, also, noticed that Evan refused to answer her texts about where they came from. He'd counter with an  _I love you mom!_ or maybe a  _Can't talk right now,_ but he never answered her questions.

Jared noticed the lack of a Hansen text. Evan was avoiding him--no, not just him. Evan avoided everyone more than before. He stuck close to Connor, and he never left his side except for classes. Even in class, Evan refused to talk to people. Group projects were either all him or nothing. Jared was nervous when he saw the marks on Evan, but the boy avoided him at all costs.

Zoe noticed the stutter worsened if someone was near him when Connor was there. Evan was careful to not say the wrong thing in front of Connor, no need for that. Zoe could barely get a word out of Evan nowadays. She stole her brother's phone and found nothing abusive in their texts, so maybe it was just her imagining it.

Alana's job was to notice things. She noticed that if Evan argued with Connor there would most likely be another bruise that "coincidentally" showed up the next day. It didn't happen each time, but it happened enough for her to notice. She noticed Evan would never argue with Connor if he was mad. Evan more or less submitted to the blame, even if Connor was at fault. She did what she could to show support, of course! She texted Evan when he was alone, sent letters to him, gave him friendship bracelets and made it clear she was hella aromantic. She always mentioned to Connor that she never felt romantic love, but she thought Evan would be a nice friend. Zoe too, of course, but Zoe already got friendship bracelets from her. She made one for Connor too, just so he didn't get mad.

To everyone, Connor was the abusive boyfriend. He hurt Evan; Evan deserved better, they thought. 

Maybe he did.

"Evan, if you hurt yourself one more time I'll slap you."

"Doesn't that sort of make no sense?"

Connor looked at the smaller boy; Evan was picking at a scar he got whilst climbing a tree. It was bleeding, but he was still digging into the skin. Connor grabbed his hand, quite roughly if I may say, and pulled it behind his back. Evan squirmed under the pin Connor put him in, laughing slightly. Connor hit his thigh lightly, smiling at the boy. The lip was his fault; Connor bit it too hard. The avoiding part was him as well; Connor got jealous easily and told Evan to not talk to Jared Kleinman. Connor said he'd prefer if Evan didn't talk to anyone, but he didn't think Evan would actually separate himself from the whole school. Other bruises were usually his fault, but not always. Sometimes after an argument Evan would hurt himself, and Connor would heal the injuries. Other days, Connor would lose control and hurt Evan minorly. Maybe a bruise on his arm, or a scratch with his nails. He never would punch his pine tree, though. Connor admitted he was abusive after a pinch that turned into a scratch, even giving Evan a chance to leave. Evan refused to, though, telling Connor it would be okay. They would work on this, and he'd explain to everyone what happened.

* * *

Two months in, and Evan is struggling to take his medication. Connor has to physically force him most days, and Evan now only takes it if Connor puts it in his mouth and hold a beverage to his lips. Evan won't tell Connor if he forgets, and Connor realizes it's too late. Connor set an alarm in his phone for Evan's medication time after the first month.

It was a saturday morning, and Connor heard his alarm go off. Evan was laying on his lap, eyes closed. "Evan, medicine time."

Evan opened his eyes, pouted, and closed them yet again.

"Okay, doing it the hard way." Connor muttered, grabbing the pill bottle he kept at his house. He took a pill out, made Evan sit up ("Connie no! Stop!") before shoving the pill in the boy's mouth. He quickly grabbed a bottle of water, gently pressing it against Evan's lips. When Evan didn't move, Connor sighed. "I'll buy you tacos.'

Evan opened his mouth when Connor said that, accepting the room temperature drink. When Connor made sure he swallowed the pill, he was released. Evan sat up, smiling at Connor. "Tacos?"

"Yeah, you brat." Connor was happy Evan was smiling. Today was the first day in weeks that Evan smiled. That meant he was actually excited about tacos and not thinking about being a failure. Evan was responding to his medication as he was supposed to, and that made Connor happy. "Let's get tacos."

"I want two. I'm kind of hungry." Evan mumbled, taking Connor's hand. "How many are you getting."

"I'm getting one." Connor squeezed Evan's hand. That's the good part about Evan, though. Connor was eating each meal now; because Heidi was never home, Connor was forced to make sure Evan ate. In return, Connor had to eat as well. Connor was getting slightly on a better path because of Evan.

"Get two! You should eat more, I'm going to Jewish grandma you!" Evan knew it was a good day for Connor today. Connor wasn't agitated, and he was being soft. Of course that could change, but Evan was positive that today would be good the whole day. 

Connor smiled and laughed, but he did order two tacos for himself. Even if he didn't eat the second one, Evan reminded him that leftovers exist. Connor kissed Evan's head before taking him back to his house for a nap.

* * *

Three months in, and Connor realized he had to do what was needed. See, Evan was being a total brat now. His anger was intense, and he really didn't want to break Evan's fingers. He needed reinformance, and Zoe was on a date. There was only one person he could call in this time of need.

"Hey, freakazoid! Why are you calling? Did Evan dump your ass?"

That's right bitches.

Jared Kleinman.

"I get it, Kleinman. You have the hots for Evan, now is not the time." Connor bit back, trying to keep a levelhead. 

"Wha-what?" Jared stuttered over the word as if he was Evan himself. 

"We'll talk about that later. Come here and get Evan out of his room. He won't fucking open the door and I will break it down. YOU HEAR ME EVAN?! I WILL FUCKING SMASH THIS DOOR TO BITS! FUCKING OPEN IT!" Connor kicked the door, and it almost budged. "Hurry up."

It took five minutes for Jared to get there, and Connor was kicking the door still. Jared grabbed him and pulled him away before anymore damage could be done. Jared began to knock on the door gently. "Acorn? Open up."

"Don't want to." Evan mumbled. "Let me be sad in peace."

"No thank you. Evan open the door for just me. Connor will cool down out here, just let me in before he murders me." Jared leaned his head against the door, almost falling when it opened. Evan grabbed him and pulled him in, closing the door behind him.

Connor took a breather, went home, smoked some weed, and came back to Evan's house. Whilst he was gone Evan and Jared talked, and Jared knew it was because Evan heard from his dad. His half-siblings were entering high school next year, and they wanted tips from big bro Evan. Evan told Jared he broke down once the phone was hung up. He said that family was all together, and he was alone in his room. When Connor got back it all seemed like nothing happened. Jared and Evan were watching some shitty movie and Connor was mellow and sat with them. It only changed when Evan fell asleep during said movie, and Connor and Jared were left awake.

* * *

Four months in, and Jared wasn't an enemy anymore. He had good weed, and he could calm Evan down easier than Connor could. Jared would be included in their routines, even early morning ones. It took a week for Jared to agree to join their cuddling ("If you don't want to cuddle with me that's fine! It's fine! I get it's weird--" "Oh my god Evan! Fine! I'll cuddle!") but once he did, he never looked back. The medicine thing weirded him out, having to watch Connor force the pill, but he got over it. Sometimes Evan would look at Jared for approval before taking the medication. Jared always said taking medication was good for him, and he's hella rad for taking care of himself.

It wasn't like Connor liked Jared. He didn't hate him, but there was no friendship. Connor tolerated him because Evan liked him, and Connor knew he couldn't cut their ties. 

That being said, as previously mentioned, Jared wasn't an enemy. Sometimes Connor would let Evan sit in Jared's lap (which, by the way, was hilarious to Evan because he was taller) and that's when Connor and Evan both realized something.

Jared fucking Kleinman was going to be joining their relationship.

* * *

Five months in, and it began.

Connor was watching Evan kiss Jared's cheek as they sat in Connor's room, all getting high. Evan was getting used to pot, whereas Connor and Jared were pros. Jared looked scared for his life as Evan continued to kiss every inch of his face. Connor laughed at his expression, taking a hit. "Calm down, I won't kill you. Why would I?"

"Alana Beck told me you were abusing Evan." Jared blurted out, making all three of them freeze. It was almost enough to make them all sober, the words said again. "I got scared you'd hurt him or me when he kisses me."

"Alana Beck needs to mind her fucking business." Evan sang out--okay, he was totally not shocked from the statement. "She can't intrude on what we do."

"I'm trying to get better, and usually I'm good. I've pinched him before, maybe bruised. I called you before I actually hurt him though. I would never forgive myself." Connor replied, shrugging. "If I get bad again leave me. Break up with me. Evan knows the drill. He will break up with me, block me, and get a restraining order."

"Seriously, why does everyone think they know me?" Evan kept going, almost as if he didn't remember Jared and Connor were there. "Oh, Evan, yeah that kid! He fell off a tree! No, he fucking tried to kill himself. Fuck you and fuck your fucking fuck fuck."

"Ev?" Connor blinked.

"What's the word? Extra.... car... rick.. Whatever. Fuck that!"

"You threw yourself off the tree?" Jared asked.

"I let go." Evan covered his face. "Just shut up, don't want to think about that. Fuck Alana. Connor may be slightly abusive, but--"

"Hey, Alana may not have meant it, but you know most people are just worried, right?" Connor asked, for once being the person who calmed others down. "People may get worried because you deserve better--Evan, don't say you don't, that's what abused people say. You deserve much more. You'll see that sooner or later."

"You deserve way more than both of us, Evan."

"The fuck I do." Evan mumbled, getting off of Jared to hide under a pillow. "I love you two."

"We love you too." Jared cooed, stroking Evan's leg. Connor smiled before taking a deep breathe.

He would have to deal with Alana Beck.

* * *

 

Six months in, and that's when shit hits the fan.

The medication process was getting easier. Connor was going to therapy now, who knows how they convinced Larry and Cynthia. Jared was still Jared, but slightly gayer. Evan has been tense for awhile, and Connor was a bit worried because it could be a setback in their progress with his health. Jared was also worried, but for a different reason.

Evan wouldn't tell him why he was tense.

Jared wondered if it was because of him. Maybe Evan realized he was a shitty person and didn't love him. Maybe Evan heard that someone else loved him more, and he was leaving Jared and Connor. Maybe Alana Beck outed him. Anything could be possible, and Jared needed to know.

Evan refused to tell, though. He wasn't avoiding his two boyfriends, but he was keeping a secret. He would lie and then lie about his lies. He got so nervous he couldn't keep track of what he said, and they were both two concerned boyfriends. Connor began to check Evan's letters to see if he could find anything, but Evan knew he would and didn't write down what was troubling him. Jared would bribe Evan with anything they could. Saplings, tacos, kisses, cuddles, anything! Nothing was working, and they were both freaking out.

It wasn't until halfway through that sixth month that Evan sat down with them and told them why he was stressed.

"Sex is really gross! I don't like it! I actually puked when we talked about it, it's gross. I don't like sex. No. No. No." Evan blurted out, looking at his hands. "I'm sex-repulsed, and I don't know if that changes anything or--"

"Ev, we still love you." Connor assured the younger man. "Sex doesn't need to be a thing."

"Yeah, I'll used Connor if I absolutely have to." Jared joked, receiving a hard slap from the taller of the two. "You're a verse and you know it asshole."

"Evan, why would this change anything?" Connor asked, patting his leg. Evan quickly moved to his lap to cuddle with him. "This doesn't change a thing."

"Because I'm a freak! Everyone likes sex! There's something wrong with me, maybe it's the medication--"

"You're not a freak. Just like the way Alana is aromantic and I'm queer, you're valid." Connor kissed his head.

"I'm just really fucking gay." Jared said, patting Evan's shoulder. "You're as valid as I am. You being ace changes nothing."

Evan nodded and reached for Jared. Jared and Connor shared a look of horror as they realized they had to cuddle with each other for Evan, but he was worth it. The three hugged each other close until it was time for everyone to go to their respective households.

* * *

 

Seven months in, and Connor and Jared were like two bros sharing a boyfriend.

They didn't hug unless Evan wanted both of them to cuddle with him. They never kissed, god no. They were just closer as friends.

Evan had his cast removed, and the year was quickly ending. 

It seemed all too soon.

* * *

 

Seven and a half months in, and things really took a turn for the worst.

Alana Beck saw Evan Hansen kissing Connor Murphy.

Alana Beck, also, saw Evan Hansen kissing Jared Kleinman.

Alana Beck told Zoe Murphy, who (with no awareness of their relationship) told her friends (because how dare Evan), and so forth.

The phrase "Evan Hansen is a cheating slut" was spread through the school like wildfire, and Evan was stuck on a tree in midst of all the flames.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I want to say I am Jewish. Just... just before anyone comments saying I shouldn't stereotype Jewish grandmothers, because my gran pushed a plate of peach slices towards me when I said I was full.  
> Also chaboy is aromantic and asexual. I am Evan's freakout.


End file.
